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A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt. - [Safety] Always do whatever's next. - [Action] Atheism is a non-prophet organization. - [Atheism] Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror. - [Baseball] By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. - [Language] Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. - [Insignificance] Everything beeps now. - [Technology] Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. - [Death] I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it. - [Suicide] I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. - [Christianity] If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work. - [Smiles] If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next door playing pinball. - [Movies] If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. - [Politics] If it requires a uniform it's a worthless endeavor. - [Clothes] In football the object is to march into enemy territory and cross his goal. In baseball the object is to go home. - [Baseball : Football] In labor news, longshoremen walked off the piers today; rescue operations are continuing. - [Labor] Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - [Cynics] Jesus was a cross dresser. - [Clothes] Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. - [Self-esteem] Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. - [Work] No one can ever know for sure what a deserted area looks like. - [Deserts] One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - [Drinking] People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. - [Reputation] Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it. - [Invention] Religion is just mind control. - [Religion] Displaying page 1 of 2 for this author: Next >> [1] 2
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