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American humorist and writer
(1835 - 1910)
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If you've got a nice fresh corpse, fetch him out!
      - The Innocents Abroad (ch. 27) [Death]

Lump the whole thing! say that the Creator made Italy from designs by Michel Angelo!
      - The Innocents Abroad (ch. 27) [Italy]

This book is a record of a pleasure trip. If it were a record of solemn scientific expedition, it would have about it that gravity, that profundity, and that impressive incomprehensibility which are so proper to works of that kind, and withal so attractive. Yet notwithstanding it is only a record of a pic-nic, it has a purpose, which is to suggest to the reader how he would be likely to see Europe and the East if he looked at with his own eyes instead of the eyes of those who traveled in those countries before him.
      - The Innocents Abroad (preface)
        [Books (First Lines)]

It was many years ago.
      - The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg
        [Books (First Lines)]

It was in 1590--winter. Austria was far away from the world, and asleep; it was still the Middle Ages in Austria, and promised to remain so forever. Some even set it away back centuries upon centuries and said that by the mental and spiritual clock it was still the Age of Belief in Austria. But they meant it as a compliment, not a slur, and it was so taken, and we were all proud of it. I remember it well, although I was only a boy; and I remember, too, the pleasure it gave me.
      - The Mysterious Stranger
        [Books (First Lines)]

"You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly creations of an imagination that is not conscious of its freaks--in a word, that they are a dream, and you the maker of it. The dream-marks are all present; you should have recognized them earlier.
  "It is true, that which I have revealed to you; there is no God, no universe, no human have revealed to you; there is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream--a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought--a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!"
    He vanished, and left me appalled; for I knew, and realized, that all he had said was true.
      - The Mysterious Stranger
        [Books (Last Lines)]

In the ancient city of London, on a certain autumn day in the second quarter of the sixteenth century, a boy was born to a poor family of the name of Canty, who did not want him.
      - The Prince and the Pauper
        [Books (First Lines)]

This poor little one-horse town.
      - The Undertaker's Story [Cities : Towns]

Do you reckon Tom Sawyer was satisfied after all them adventures?
      - Tom Sawyer Abroad [Books (First Lines)]

There's plenty of boys that will come hankering and gruvvelling around when you've got an apple, and beg the core off you; but when they're got one, and you beg for the core, and remind them how you give them a core one time, they take a mouth at you, and say thank you 'most to death, but there ain't a-going to be no core.
      - Tom Sawyer Abroad (ch. I) [Apples]

Well, it was the next spring after me and Tom Sawyer set our old nigger Jim free the time he was chained up for a runaway slave down there on Tom's uncle Silas's farm in Arkansaw.
      - Tom Sawyer, Detective
        [Books (First Lines)]

For a male person bric-a-brac hunting is about as robust a business as making doll-clothes.
      - Tramp Abroad (ch. XX) [Pottery]

I am content to be a bric-a-bracker and a Ceramiker.
      - Tramp Abroad (ch. XX) [Pottery]

The very "marks" on the bottom of a piece of rare crockery are able to throw me into a gibbering ecstasy.
      - Tramp Abroad (ch. XX) [Pottery]

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