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OLIVER HERFORD
American humorist, poet, author and illustrator
(1863 - 1935)

A hair in the head is worth two in the brush.
      - [Hair]

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
      - [Writing]

My wife has a whim of iron.
      - [Wives]

Why and Wherefore set out one day,
  To hunt for a wild Negation.
    They agreed to meet at a cool retreat
      On the Point of Interrogation.
      - Metaphysics [Nothingness]

Children, behold the Chimpanzee;
  He sits on the ancestral tree
    From which we sprang in ages gone.
      I'm glad we sprang: had we held on,
        We might, for aught that I can say,
          Be horrid Chimpanzees to-day.
      - The Chimpanzee [Evolution]

Alas! my child, where is the Pen
  That can do justice to the Hen?
    Like Royalty, she goes her way,
      Laying foundations every day,
        Though not for Public Buildings, yet
          For Custard, Cake and Omelette.
            Of if too old for such a use
              They have their fling at some abuse,
                As when to censure Plays Unfit
                  Upon the stage they make a Hit
                    Or at elections seal the Fate
                      Of an Obnoxious Candidate.
                        No wonder, Child, we prize the Hen,
                          Whose Egg is Mightier than the Pen.
      - The Hen [Hens : Hens]

Here's to old Adam's crystal ale,
  Clear sparkling and divine,
    Fair H2O, long may you flow,
      We think your health (in wine).
      - Toast--Adam's Crystal Ale [Toasts]

The bubble winked at me, and said,
  "You'll miss me brother, when you're dead."
      - Toast--The Bubble Winked [Toasts]


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