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PHYLLIS DILLER
American comedienne
(1917 - )
  CHECK READING LIST (2)  

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
      - [Smiles]

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.
      - [Expectation]

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
      - [Children]

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
      - [Housework]

Fang drops so much food on his ties we keep them in the refrigerator.
      - [Food]

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
      - [Sex]

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
      - [Housework]

It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
      - [Hair]

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
      - [Old Age]

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
      - [Dogs]

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.
      - [Golf]

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.
      - [Poverty]

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
      - [Babies]

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
      - [Old Age]


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