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DOUGLAS WILLIAM JERROLD
English humorist, journalist and writer
(1803 - 1857)
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There are some people as obtuse in recognizing an argument as they are in appreciating wit. You couldn't drive it into their heads with a hammer.
      - [Argument]

Treason is like diamonds; there is nothing to be made by the small trader.
      - [Treason]

Virtue is a beautiful thing in woman when they don't go about with it like a child with a drum making all sorts of noise with it.
      - [Virtue]

We are all slaves to the shining metal.
      - [Money]

We love peace, as we abhor pusillanimity; but not peace at any price. There is a peace more destructive of the manhood of living man than war is destructive of his material body. Chains are worse than bayonets.
      - [Peace]

What a fine-looking thing is war!
  Yet, dress it as we may, dress and feather it, daub it with gold, huzza it, and sing swaggering songs about it,--what is it, nine times out of ten, but murder in uniform!
      - [War]

What women would do if they could not cry, nobody knows. What poor, defenceless creatures they would be!
      - [Weeping]

Wishes, at least, are the easy pleasures of the poor.
      - [Wishes]

Wits, like drunken men with swords, are apt to draw their steel upon their best acquaintances.
      - [Wit]

Women, somehow, have the same fear of witty men as of fireworks.
      - [Timidity]

That fellow would vulgarize the day of judgment.
      - A Comic Author [Speech]

Earth is here so kind, that just tickle her with a hoe and she
  laughs with a harvest.
      - A Land of Plenty [Agriculture]

Talk to him of Jacob's ladder, and he would ask the number of the steps.
      - A Matter-of-Fact Man [Talk]

After all there is something about a wedding-gown prettier than in any other gown in the world.
      - A Wedding-Gown--Jerrold's Wit [Apparel]

He is one of those wise philanthropists who, in a time of famine, would vote for nothing but a supply of toothpicks.
      - Douglas Jerrold's Wit [Philanthropy : Voting]

The surest way to hit a woman's heart is to take aim kneeling.
      - Douglas Jerrold's Wit--The Way to a Woman's Heart
        [Wooing]

He was so good he would pour rose-water on a toad.
      - Jerrold's Wit--A Charitable Man [Goodness]

Love's like the flies, and, drawing-room or garret, goes all over a house.
      - Jerrold's Wit--Love [Love]

Some people are so fond of ill-luck that they run half-way to meet it.
      - Jerrold's Wit--Meeting Trouble Half-Way
        [Luck]

We have peace as we abhor pusillanimity; but not peace at any price. There is a peace more destructive of the manhood of living man than war is destructive of his material body. Chains are worse than bayonets.
      - Jerrold's Wit--Peace [Peace]

As for the brandy, "nothing extenuate"; and the water, put nought in in malice.
      - Jerrold's Wit--Shakespeare Grog [Liquor]

Love the sea? I dote upon it--from the beach.
      - Jerrold's Wit--The Anglo-French Alliance
        [Ocean]

In all the wedding cake, hope is the sweetest of the plums.
      - Jerrold's Wit--The Catspaw [Hope]

The life of the husbandman,--a life led by the bounty of earth and sweetened by the airs of heaven.
      - Jerrold's Wit--The Husbandman's Life
        [Agriculture]

The ugliest of trades have their moments of pleasure. Now, if I were a grave-digger, or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.
      - Jerrold's Wit--Ugly Trades [Occupations]


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