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LAWS OF LIFE AND NATURE
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[ Also see Proverbs ]

Applied Confusion, Second Law of: Truck deliveries that normally take one day will take five when you are waiting for the truck.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Applied Confusion, Third Law of: After adding two weeks to the schedule for unexpected delays, add two more for the unexpected, unexpected delays.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Applied Terror, Corollary to the Fifth Law of: If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Applied Terror, Corollary to the Fourth Law of: The night before the English History mid-term, your biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Applied Terror, Fifth Law of: If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Applied Terror, Fourth Law of: Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Approval Seeker's Law: Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Aquinas Axiom, The: What the gods get away with, the cows don't.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Army Axiom: Any order that can be misunderstood will be misunderstood.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Army Law: If it moves, salute it; if it doesn't move, pick it up; if you can't pick it up, paint it.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Arnold's First Law of Documentation: If it should exist, it doesn't.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Arnold's Second Law of Documentation: If it does exist, it's out of date.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Arnold's Third Law of Documentation: Only useless documentation transcends the first two laws.
      - Law of Life and Nature

As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airline encounters turbulence.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Ashleigh's First Law: If you can't learn to do it well, you should learn to enjoy doing it badly.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Ashley-Perry Fifth Statistical Axiom: The product of an arithmetical computation is the answer to an equation; it is not the solution to a problem.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Ashley-Perry First Statistical Axiom: Numbers are tools, not rules.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Ashley-Perry Fourth Statistical Axiom: Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from nonpractitioners.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Ashley-Perry Second Statistical Axiom: Numbers are symbols for things; the number and the thing are not the same.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Ashley-Perry Sixth Statistical Axiom: Arithmetical proofs of theorems that do not have arithmetical bases prove nothing.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Ashley-Perry Third Statistical Axiom: Skill in manipulating numbers is a talent, not evidence of divine guidance.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Assembly II, Law of: Interchangeable parts won't.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Avoid reality at all costs.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Bagdikian's Observation: Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's St. Matthew Passion on a ukulele.
      - Law of Life and Nature

Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry: A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors.
      - Law of Life and Nature


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